Now, the most important tweeters
Had profiles with marks
The plain-profile tweeters had none but remarks.
Those marks weren’t so big. They were really so small.
You might think such a thing wouldn’t matter at all.
But because they had marks, all the mark-profiled tweeters
Would tweet, “We’re the best tweeters here, you know that we’re real!”
With their keys in their hands, they would tweet and they’d post
“We’ll have nothing to do with the plain-profiled host”
And whenever they met some, when they were on Facebook,
They’d surf right on past them without even ranting.
When the mark-profiled children went online to play
Could a plain-profiled engage and reply in the same way?
You’re only real, valid, and truth if your profile has checkmarks
And the plain-profile children have none of such marks.
When the mark-profiled tweeters had cancel you roasts
Or meetups, reddit threads, or instagram posts,
They never invited the plain-profile tweeters.
They left them with Theil and other plain-profiled Peters.
They kept them away. Never let them TikTok
And that’s how they treated them all round the clock.
Then ONE day, seems… while the plain-profile tweeters
Were posting and roasting alone on this Meta
Just sitting there wishing the profiles had marks…
A stranger zipped up in car not a Tesla!
“My friends,” he posted in a thread like AI
“My name is Honorable Slick Noeleye
And I’ve heard of your troubles. I’ve heard you’re unhappy.
But I can fix that, I’m a blue checkmark chappie.
I’ve come here to help you. I have what you need.
While some are now verified, they paid and you’re pee’d
My work will validate you, my promise guaranteed!
Then, quickly, Honorable Slick Noeleye
Put together a script to mislead on the fly.
And he said, “You want a checkmark like a mark-profiled tweeter?
My friends, you can have them, a bitcoin for each!”
“Just pay me some crypto and I’ll make you trusted!”
So they transferred and cheered as they were made valid.
The checkmark was blue, not greenish, purple, or yellowed
It was blue, a check not a star, and ID not required!
When the plain-profile tweeters then tweeted it meant they were real
They actually were. They had checks as proof seal.
Then they yelled at the ones who had checks at the start,
“We’re exactly like you! Your check paid for apart.
We’re all just the same, now you snooty old goats
And now we can claim truth, facts, and help roasts.
“Lies!” groaned the ones who were checked from the first.
We’re still the best tweeters and they are the worst.
But, now, how online will all know,” they thought in the cloud,
“Which tweet is honest, or the other way round?
Then came Noeleye with a very sly think.
And he said, “Things are far worse, it really does stink.
You don’t know who’s who, that is clearly the matter.
But vote for me, friends, I’ll make them prove better.
I’ll make you all safe, secure, private, and trusted
Put me in charge and Big Tech wlll be busted.”
“Checkmarks can’t be trusted,” said Honorable Noeleye.
“What you need is social media guaranteed to tell truth.
A wondrous network with no need for a sleuth
So, let’s take off these checkmarks, start with you who were first,
And when you stop the spending, come to my network of truth.”
Off came some checkmarks from real people and not
But they then felt better, certain others were all bots
So they took out their iPhones and Androids to tweet,
“We know who is who! There can’t be a doubt.
Online on truth platforms, we all know what is about.”
Then, of course, those with now checks got canceling mad.
To be profiled with a check meant you were real or a fad?
Then, of course, Honorable Slick Noeleye
Invited them too to break big tech’s big pie
Then and then on, as hopefully you guess,
The internet really got into a horrible mess.
All of the networks, and search engines too, came in to doubt
As Honorable Noeleye promised regulation throughout.
Check again! Checkmark off! We want proof! We want truth!
Everyone raced ’round the internet all being aloof.
Demanding they were right and everyone else is at fault.
People kept paying money and expecting their data in a vault.
Until neither the checked nor the plain profiles knew
Whether one was a bot… or the other was two
We can’t know the truth, we never could, the mistake was expecting bias from what’s true.
Then, with every last vote spent demanding control,
Slick Noeleye now a crony, stopped crying afoul.
Oh he meme’d as he vanished!
Having sown discord and lies,
“Demand certainty online (of that I will use!),
To keep getting voters while I just abuse.”
But Noeleye was quite wrong, I hope this I convey,
To make everyone a lot smarter online on this day.
People are people and tweeters are tweeters.
And no kind of person is perfect nor neater.
This way all people I hope realize the truth,
Online just be careful, check facts, and have couth.