It’s a marriage.
I’m a bit surprised by how many entrepreneurs start something merely hoping to have a business, solve a problem, or accomplish something. I can’t recall when I’ve ever seen that work, substantially.
Launching a startup is like having a child, and finding committed cofounders is a marriage.
The difference is that you kind of, often, have the kid in mind before getting married, so maybe it’s like adopting a baby.
Here’s what I mean and why this is so important and so hard.
You have a baby in mind and you think it’s gorgeous but there’s a saying in startups, “your baby is ugly.” Everyone loves their own baby and no one wants to hear (or say) that it’s ugly. It’s impolite.
Thing is, while this baby may grow up to Einstein or Bill Gates, right now all it does I eat, sleep, and cry. And poop all over you.
“But it’s so cute!! And we can raise this baby together!!” as it pukes all over you.
Now, find a partner.
Divorce will not go well for the child. Divorce destroys wealth and breaks up families. Sure, there are reasons it’s better that it happen, but not many.
So you need someone who will never quit, never leave, and stick by your side. Abandonment is immoral. This is in sickness and in health. For richer and for poorer.
And let me remind, it’s 24/7. Yes, you did the hardest part and gave birth, (congratulations by the way), and now everyone’s life changes in ways not even imagined.
Baby wakes up at 2 am with a fever and and subsequent $20000 doctor’s bill. Who’s getting up?
Baby needs to be fed, every couple hours. Every couple hours, 24/7. Who’s doing that? “But I have work tomorrow.” No, you don’t. This is the only priority.
Baby needs clothes, and diapers, and food, and a bed. And no one gives you money to have a baby, maybe baby can get a scholarship to go to college but for now you’re on your own.
And then baby says Dada.
Damn. It’s all over. You laugh and cry. Then baby farts and it’s right back to it.
Then baby takes her first step. Your heart melts.
Then you’re drawing pencil marks on the door frame, teaching her to swim, and singing songs.
Now, still, marriage, because Years later she’s tempted by drugs, kissing other startups, and saying she hates you.
Everyone ready for that? I’ve learned it’s not age that makes us all turn gray, it’s kids. It’s startups.
And you make it that far, together, and it’s full of joy, and love, and memories, and tears, and fights, and photos. And then you send your baby off into the world and hopefully she thrives.
Start with that end in mind because if you’re just seeking people to fill a role for you, you’re hiring a nanny or someone to mow the lawn so you can raise your kid. And they leave. They always leave. You need to fall in love with a partner ready to get puked on.
Perfect analogy and visuals, says the co-founder and parent of a teenager.
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Great article Paul O’Brien!
Paul O’Brien well said!
Thanks, Paul O’Brien, that’s a nice way to think about it. I’ll rethink my approach!
Also I’ve seen sooooooo many founder break-ups. I call it the “entourage effect” – a crew starts a startup b/c *fun* but only ~1 has the ganas and grit to #persist. Then, eventually, the others become hangers-on, and a breakup is necessary.
Worse, the hangers-on neg the ~1 real founder, who allows them to persist as C-Suite crew, creating drag and disappointment from new employees, and either the eventual divorce or the drag can destroy the startup.
Finding a real, true, committed co-founder is as hard as, if not harder than a spouse!
I believe I have one now, but as in all things, the only real truth is “we’ll see…”
Exactly, I had my first son and started my company in parallel with one another. Definitely not something I would suggest doing but what Paul O’Brien stated is true. Very similar ups and downs.
Baby wants two loving parents. The startup wants two loving co-founders.
Baby cries. Startup cries.
The baby wants milk. The startup wants money.
Baby takes its first step. The startup gets its first user/customer.
Baby falls on its head and takes an emergency ambulance ride to the children’s hospital resulting in thousands of dollars in medical bills. The startup’s database gets infected with malicious code that steals and wipes out customer sensitive data that now needs to be fixed costing thousands in development cost, loss in revenue and customers
You and me both.
Wow… some of those comments on divorce are somewhat abhorrent…!!! In the same way that there are bad partners, there are bad cofounders… As a solo founder, things might have been easier with a cofounder. But let’s not demonize those who go-it alone or ‘divorce’ their cofounders when they’re not the right match… staying together for the sake of the kids is rarely a good way to live…
Seb Long I have had all four— bad partner biz, bad partner wife. Baby(s) business – always pretty when born then turn ugly …. babies— kids. Beautiful. I get 100% what Paul is saying. My divorce turned a good civil partnership into a blithering hate fest. But- the solo thing in startups and life is my preferred life now (but I am always dating)….
I think I need one of those!
Now to find a technical co-founder who’s passionate about art and artists…
“Ugly babies “…. yep. Heard it 1000 times in meetings. The explaination always starts with the phrase ..”yeah but”……
It would be great if there was a website for finding a cofounder that actually produced results then that would be great. But alas, just about everyone that signs up on these platforms has their own ideas and are not willing to give them up. So that leaves networking events and luck. Finding a cofounder is the biggest challenge I have faced so far. .
Literally I’ve found my cofounders as 1) friends of friends 2) because they tested a product I worked on 3) through online speed networking
Great example – think ahead – do it right – be committed … and some parts do stink – love it anyway!!!!
Gods blessing —
Funny how business responds to this vs Facebook … Great work my friend
Good reminder that different channels have different audiences and expectations 🙂
Be everywhere
This is so true